the rain reminds me of blood (1/100)

the rain reminds me of the blood;

the blood leaking from my body falling into the pad an echo of the rain falling from the sky to the waiting ground below.

this spring rain brings life though, a nourishment to renew and create growth.

the blood is death.


an end.

a waste of a chance, the non fulfillment of a moment.

another future gone.

like the clouds my uterus grew. taking on more and more until it could not hold anymore.

with cramps that hit like lightening and spread like thunder, the first heavy drops fall.

at the first break it pours in a release, from the clouds in a roaring joy, from my body in a screaming pain.

then comes the steady shower, the true unburdening of the load.

the destruction of the moment has passed and a healing has begun.

the cloud knows that it must fully shed itself into the world to one day form again, my uterus knows that it must fully shed the wasted future to have a chance at another.

two dynamically different yet similar events, but as I stand in this rain, feel it trickle down my body, all I can think of is the blood trickling out of me, and marvel at how nature mirrors itself.


he dreams

and there he lay;
his head softly pillowed,
his mind off on adventures.
his dreams taking him off
to lands so far away.

he sleeps and he dreams.
he dreams and he flies.

he dreams
and he builds worlds
and futures
so bright.

he dreams.

he dreams sample - life as their mom

this post originally appeared on my old blog on February 21, 2014

ladybugs in the morning

give me ladybugs in the morning,
give me peonies in the afternoon,
give me butterfly kisses in the evening,
and give me magic underneath the full moon.

give me sleepy wonder when you see me,
give me laughing eyes when we speak,
give me the warmth of your arms for when you leave me,
give me thoughts of your love to hold me when we are apart.

give me the nows when we are together,
give me forever when you give me your love,
give me comfort when you see me crying,
and give me joy and hope for all of our tomorrows to come.


tell yourself

i see you over there crying, i hear your calls for help. let me hold you for a while and let me give you words that i often have to give myself.

tell yourself you are ok.
tell yourself that you will be fine.
tell yourself you will get through this, just give yourself some time.
tell yourself that this day is almost over and a new one will soon begin.
tell yourself you got this.
tell yourself that this time of trials will eventually have an end.

i still see you crying, i still hear your cries for help. your faith in yourself is low and you can’t trust these things that you say.

i believe that you will be ok and that you will be fine.
i believe that you will get through this, allow me to help you through this time.
i am here to help you through today, to get you to the next one,
i am here so that you don’t have to do this on your own,
i am here to help you reach the end of your trials,
i am here to build you up, and to give you that extra hand.

i hate that today is tearing you down. i hate that you feel this pain. i hate that you feel worthless. i see your pain and i know that it is real, i can’t completely take it from you, but let me help you carry it for a while.


Yesterday our hearts would beat in time together. I held you. I sustained you. I was the only universe that you ever knew.

Today I hold you in my arms. I wipe away your tears and hold you as you smile. I watch you as you drink the liquid love my body provides you. I wrap myself around you, you curl into my heart.

Tomorrow I will watch you as you run, grow and learn to fly free. Tomorrow I will kiss you and pray that you always return home to me.



when I don’t get all of the clothes folded. when dishes pile up in the sink. when the bathroom mirror is spoltchy. when the bathtub is still stained pink.

I am enough.

when the floor has gone unswept. when the counters are sticky. when the hallway needs a good cleaning. when the table stays a yucky mess.

I am enough.

when my children beat each other up. when they scream “I HATE YOU, TOO!” when they fall on the ground in angry tears. when in a rage they break all of their toys.

I am enough.

when their reading grades are low. when they’ve lost their gym shorts… again. when they still don’t know their times tables. when they refuse to do their school work.

I am enough.

when my pre-baby clothes are still too small. when I haven’t showered in days. when my legs are more than just prickly. when I feel nowhere near ok

I am enough.

when my roll of fat hangs over my pants. when my hair is faded and in knots. when I get sad looking at my body. when acne covers my face in ugly spots.

I am enough.


when all that you feel is fat and ugly. when you feel like the world’s most useless wife. when you are sure that you are a failure as a mother. when you feel like you just suck at life.

You are enough.

More than enough.


prayers while cooking

lord, get me through tonight.

my children are yelling – in anger and fun, the dog won’t stop barking, and well, the baby is one.

dinner is cooking, and while no one was hungry for fruit at snack they’re all starving for cookies now. and lord, you know as well as I that the minute dinner is in front of them they’ll be full after two or three bites…

sorry for those few moments of yelling lord, the littlest two were fighting over a dinosaur  (because it’s not like we have a box full) and my daughter had to tattle on them, and the oldest just had to try to parent them all too.

lord, I swear I feel like I live with the chattering, screaming, howling monkeys at the zoo.

get me through tonight lord, I can just imagine how bedtime will be going in a bit. I know there will be arguing, and yelling, and more than likely tears, and probably someone will end up getting hit.

well, it’s time for me to go now lord, dinner is ready and bowls must be made. the real battle is about to begin, but thank you, lord, it’s almost the end of the day.