ladybugs in the morning

give me ladybugs in the morning,
give me peonies in the afternoon,
give me butterfly kisses in the evening,
and give me magic underneath the full moon.

give me sleepy wonder when you see me,
give me laughing eyes when we speak,
give me the warmth of your arms for when you leave me,
give me thoughts of your love to hold me when we are apart.

give me the nows when we are together,
give me forever when you give me your love,
give me comfort when you see me crying,
and give me joy and hope for all of our tomorrows to come.

ladybugs

in the quiet and the stillness

i miss you most in the quiet and the stillness.
i sit and wait sometimes, forgetting that you won’t be back any minute.
it gets so lonely in the peace.
it leaves me sad. my chest tight.
– my throat constricting.

i am trying to keep it going.
i know this change is for the best.
i know that you would rather be here too.
i know that i will one day adapt.

but these quiet moments are just killing me.

i miss your presence.
i miss laying with the feel of your calloused hand on my waist.
i miss the warmth of you in our bed.
i even miss your snore.

without you it feels like only half of me can function.
like only half of me exists.
my heart vibrates from wails of loneliness
– calling for you to be nearer to me.

it started so tiny

it started so tiny.
like a seed, small and round.
with determination and love and warmth
it shot its roots down deep like a web –
with me ensnared like the prey.
but if i am to die here in your roots, web, love,
then here i am prepared to die joyfully.
for where you are is where i am.
and where our love is, baby, i just thrive.
it all just grows,
and grows,
AND GROWS.
this love like a flower that just bursts into life.
it is here and it is beautiful.
sound, color, smell.
life.
it draws the world to us as we do our own thing.
with our love we grow more love, more hope, more beauty, more smiles.

and it all just started so, so tiny.

“talk to me”

“talk to me.”

how can i talk when just the idea of words makes my throat constrict?

“look at me.”

how can i look past tears that i don’t want to let fall?

“listen to me.”

how can i listen with words, spoken and unspoken, screaming in my ears?

“forgive me.”

how can i forgive when i don’t know if forgiveness is right?

“talk to me.”

i can’t. i can’t make my words work.

“look at me.”

i can’t. i can’t make my eyes see you past this.

“listen to me.”

i can’t. i can’t hear past this pain.

“forgive me.
i love you.
please.”

i –

cutting his hair

he doesn’t let me just rub my hands over him often.
touching we do a lot of, caressing just to feel him –
that is pretty rare.

but when i cut his hair…
he lets me lean into him.
he lets me rub my hands over his head.
along his face. across his chest.

the smell of him clings to my shirt and my hands.
the warmth of his back seeps into my chest.
he teases me, he loves to when I start the little touches,
but i don’t mind, it’s part of the ritual.

it is such a little thing, an any day moment between us.
for a time we aren’t mom and dad,
we’re just husband and wife.