prayers while cooking

lord, get me through tonight.

my children are yelling – in anger and fun, the dog won’t stop barking, and well, the baby is one.

dinner is cooking, and while no one was hungry for fruit at snack they’re all starving for cookies now. and lord, you know as well as I that the minute dinner is in front of them they’ll be full after two or three bites…

sorry for those few moments of yelling lord, the littlest two were fighting over a dinosaur ¬†(because it’s not like we have a box full) and my daughter had to tattle on them, and the oldest just had to try to parent them all too.

lord, I swear I feel like I live with the chattering, screaming, howling monkeys at the zoo.

get me through tonight lord, I can just imagine how bedtime will be going in a bit. I know there will be arguing, and yelling, and more than likely tears, and probably someone will end up getting hit.

well, it’s time for me to go now lord, dinner is ready and bowls must be made. the real battle is about to begin, but thank you, lord, it’s almost the end of the day.

not a mistake

there were tears that she cried because she was sure that all of her dreams and plans were being taken from her. and everyone told her that they were disappointed in her mistake.

there was frustration she felt because all of the sudden nobody saw her as who she was. everyone just saw her as the maker of one giant mistake.

there were screams that she heard because she had let everyone down so they needed to now beat her down as well. they screamed how she was a failure and that her baby was a mistake.

there were looks of pity she was given because she used to be so smart and so good. but now she was just another slut who was being punished for making a mistake.

time went by.

in her arms she now held this beautiful, glorious, tiny baby.
not a mistake.

this love that she now felt was beyond anything that she could have ever imagined.
and it was for her baby, not a mistake.

true, this was not the path that she had planned to venture down, or the dreams that she had held dear. but now that she was through the dark of the trail, the nightmare of the start, a new world was before her.
not a mistake.

God, nature or fate Рone of them planned this. something this awesome and complete could never have been a mistake. he had been lovingly made perfect inside of her Рdown to every lash and wrinkle in his lip.
no, he could never be a mistake.

she no longer looks at him and sees the things that she gave up or the woman she could have been. she looks at him, deep at him, and sees love and a future and brand new dreams. she looks at him and sees who she is now compared to who she was then. and it is then that she knows,
this, him, had always been the plan, and was never a mistake.

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dear lord (8/365)

dear lord.
i am tired and beat so very down.
i am done with everything, everyone,
but these problems just keep coming around.
the winds they keep on blowing
and i have bent and bent myself to their will.
i know you’re there and looking out for me,
but i’m sitting here feeling alone.
you told me there would be trials,
that i would just need to trust you to get through,
that you have great plans for me,
but today just none of that seems true.
i just want a break, lord,
from those trials and those winds,
from those things that keep on coming,
from those problems that never end.
i want a little sunshine, lord.
just a little. i’m begging you, please.
i’m ready for those great plans
that you have promised for me.
lord, i need you.
i am broken and i am down here on my knees.
i’ll just stay here waiting for you
i know you will not let me down.